Month: October 2024

Oh God, it’s Oscar time again. Just what I needed in the middle of the fucking apocalypse. Donald Trump is President. Russia has hacked all of our phones and is actively watching us masturbate. And every public school is going to teach your kids that gay people come from the fucking moon. These are shitty, horrible times, and now I gotta sit there and watch, in growing horror, as I realize that the most prominent and vocal leaders of the so-called Liberal Resistance are THESE PEOPLE. Christ. Trump’s approval rating will jump 70 points by the end of this goddamn telecast. I hate the world and welcome its immolation. Anyway, this calls for us to resume for our hallowed tradition of saying nasty, rude shit about every major nominee in the running. As with any good Hater’s Guide, I am …

With opening day just days away, it's time to look at the payrolls and salary breakdowns for every MLB team. There are familiar faces near the top and bottom of the list, but a new franchise claims the spending crown for the first time in 15 years. The Associated Press has compiled these numbers based on publicly and privately reported salaries, prorated bonuses, and deferred money. Cash transactions and buyouts are reflected in the team payroll figures, so they will differ from the sum of players' salaries listed at bottom.. These numbers are not exact, because precise contracts are closely guarded secrets. But this is as good as we're going to get. For the first time since 1998, the Yankees no longer top baseball. That honor goes to the Dodgers in a runaway—with an …

This is Balls Deep with Drew Magary. Read him at KSK. Buy his book. Follow him at Twitter. NSFW Inga after the jump. It's graduation time again. Last year, I penned a message to the outgoing class of 2008, a message you almost certainly forgot because there was a picture of Cassandra Lynn sitting at the top of the page. And seeing a photo of Cassandra Lynn is like getting a defibrillator to your penis. So we'd best make this a yearly ritual for you new seniors out there, just to keep things fresh in your little ADD-addled brains. This is the time of year when every university out there spends a great deal of energy flying in celebrities to give grad speeches. And do you know WHY colleges do this? It isn't because these people they get are actually all that inspiring. …

Today in Unsubstantiated Web Rumors That We Merely Link To Rather Than Report Ourselves In Order To Give Us Some Sort Of Half-Assed Way Out In Case The Story Turns Out To Be Complete Bullshit, Which Seems More Than A Little Likely, But Hey It's Still Fun And Will Make For Some Pretty Amusing Comments So Don't Yell At Us We're Just A Blog After All: Web site Media Take Out, which claims to have "all the African-American news" — and recently touted its Cuttino Mobley Looking Gay In Pictures! photos — is claiming to have interviewed a family member of a "prominent member" of the New Jersey Nets, who supposedly just told them that he's bisexual. In an exclusive interview, MediaTakeOut.com spoke with a friend of the family who claims the player &q…

data-mm-id=”_ol3p8nhdc”>The NFL playoffs are finally here. The field is stacked with some great teams and even better quarterbacks. To celebrate the arrival of the best time of year for football fans, I ranked all of the quarterbacks in the field based off their play this season. 12. Josh Allen, Buffalo Bills Josh Allen / Joe Robbins/Getty ImagesAllen has come a long, long way since last season– but not nearly far enough. He's thrown for 3,089 yards this season and cut down on his mistakes, tossing 20 touchdowns to only nine interceptions. He's also the biggest threat on the ground in the playoffs this side of Lamar Jackson, regularly extending drives on scrambles and is a pretty solid short-yardage runner. But Buffalo hasn't won games because of Allen this year, and ha…

data-mm-id=”_udlfas89w”>There are people in the world who were clearly put on this earth to do one thing and one thing only. Tom Brady was meant to play football. Guy Fieri was meant to find the best diners, drive-ins, and dives. You get the point. Which brings me to my theory that Ja Morant's purpose is to posterize everyone he comes across. I present to you the latest set of proof from last night's Cavaliers-Grizzlies game, which was wholly unremarkable outside of this attempted homicide on Kevin Love from Morant: Almost "Poster Of The Century" per Ja Morant ????????? pic.twitter.com/YEkTImuk8y— NBA-Evolution (@NBAEvolution) December 21, 2019I mean, come on: Even Love had to tip his cap to the young man.Ja almost ended my professional career with this dunk…th…

data-mm-id=”_gudpkqvnq”>Andy Dufrense posited that hope was the best of all things but that's only because he lived out his days in a beachfront paradise. He probably would have had a different take if crawling through a tunnel of feces resulted in nothing more than being caught and thrown in the hole for months on end. So with that in mind, and the increasingly bold handwriting on the wall growing in font size so even those mostly blind to reality are beginning to understand that there may not be sports for a long, long time, let's consider this question.If things continue to go south and we're robbed of 95 percent of all competitive sports for, say, more than a year, will we wish that the process had been more callous? Will we wonder if things had been better if societ…

data-mm-id=”_107yuepgd”>Tom Brady and Phil Mickelson are taking on Peyton Manning and Tiger Woods during Capital One's The Match on Sunday. It's fair to say Brady is struggling badly and is clearly the weak link among the four players. This is all for charity so it's hard to take things too seriously, but the new Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback has been all over the course. And yes, Twitter is roasting him for it. Here are some clips from the round our buddy Michael Shamburger has collected:Brady SPLASH pic.twitter.com/7PWnhCbrO0— Michael Shamburger (@mshamburger1) May 24, 2020"Heads up boys"Ball goes 30 ftBeen there pic.twitter.com/addoiGULq2— Michael Shamburger (@mshamburger1) May 24, 2020Brady is struggling pic.twitter.com/omPYhFJZqx— Michael Shamburg…

data-mm-id=”_v7jj2t74q”>The Cleveland Browns are 10-4 and in pole position for the top wild card spot in the AFC. Yes, the very same Cleveland Browns who were the biggest disappointment of 2019 and generally one of the most cursed franchises in football. On this very site, there have been many times this season where we have doubted the Browns' legitimacy as playoff contenders. As recently as just last week, even. But with a 20-6 win over the New York Giants on Sunday Night Football, the Browns seem very legit. It was not the win itself that changed things, but rather the way in which they won. Cleveland has one of the best ground games in the NFL, led by the two-headed monster of Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt. Cleveland fans have dubbed them "Chunt" which is a little uncom…